i had lunch with my new superior the other day, and i was trying really hard to not let him have the chance to think that i'm too deep in my planning roots.
it was difficult, because of a couple of reasons.
Firstly, i didn't have a chance to talk.
okie, i had the chance to talk , but i was clear that nothing made sense to him. His always more than three sentences ahead. how did i know nothing made sense to him? He didn't stop when fired a sarcastic remark at him. Also, i verified a case with my good old mentor in planning and found that there was so much bullshit in what my new superior said.
He tried to instigate.
what?! well, he shared how rules has to be bent to deliver. i thought that was wrong. sure, rules may need to be refined and reviewed at times to improve work process. But this is procurement related issues we are talking about. It's wrong.
This place is not for me, as long as a superior like him is around. I hope he leaves soon.
Having been in the new place for 2 days, I felt that the feeling of denial still surfaced ever so frequently. Even as I sat in the new office, I'm still looking at working on stuff in my former work role. I kept looking into my own feelings and magnified it indefinitely. It is unfair to the organisation, but I can't help.
I felt that the transfer was very untimely, and that the senior management has failed to account for required handover timing and scope. This could really have been spread out for smoother transition since it is within the control of the department head.
The transfer seemed to have also not considered the discipline of officers and there seemed to be a mismatch in this area, causing apprehension and unnecessary stress.
I'm learning to get out of this cycle, trying to brighten my emotions but it is really difficult.
news of organisation changes has always been just a piece of gossip to me. it doesn't bother me the tiniest bit. however, i took such news very differently today.
i was disappointed.
disappointed with the quality and thought process of the senior management today. they probably meant it well, but, this disappointment came probably from all the bottled thoughts and sentiments over the year.
in just a year i noticed that the people who really need to have a refresher on leadership management will be our senior management, where they will be reminded of the need to look, see, listen and understand.
then again, the rotation cycle of senior management could be in a unhealthy interval to prevent instances of 'eager to perform' and 'more stringent then required KPIs' hence slogging the staff in the most unhealthy manner possible. And when staff doesn't perform to the standards, rotation of staff takes place, disregarding organisation guidelines, preference and all.
I've got this build up bubble/balloon/air/pocket within me and i have no idea how to release it. it is just stuck all the way at the top and there's no way I could fix an air release valve to release this pocket of hot air.
things just built up really quickly, and i found my patience running really thin.
there are people whom i'd like to make their lives really difficult, but could never find a good reason to do so.
while i comforted myself that it's just work, people are just pure ignorant/forgetful/trying to act 一个, another part of me just simply raged exponentially.